For two weeks now I've been hearing this phrase repeated to me over and over again, "It'll get easier." But you know what, it hasn't. It hasn't gotten any easier leaving my little girl with someone else to care for for the day while I go off to work. My heart breaks every morning. And every day we spend apart, I wonder if it's worth it. I know it's only for three days out of the week, but those three days are painful. Yes, I still enjoy teaching. Yes, there are moments when I'm glad to be back in the classroom. Yes, there are even times when I'm so preoccupied that I don't think of my little love bug. But it doesn't mean it's any easier. Yes, I know it's only been two weeks, but do I even want it to get easier? I don't think that I want to get to the point where it becomes easy to leave my bug with another. My baby is my world. In my mind, there is nothing else I have to do that is more important than caring for my child. Except we need the paycheck.
My daycare provider says she greatly admires working mothers. She believes they're stronger than she is herself. She tried returning to work after her little guy was born (he's almost 2 years now) and only made it a week and a half before she quit. And she had left her boy with his daddy and grandmother! On the other hand, she claims there are days she would give anything to go to work now and have her husband stay home. Even if just for one day.
I don't know, maybe it will get easier. Maybe I'll start looking at my days at work as rewarding, fulfilling and welcomed again, instead of just seeing them as a chore taking me away from my real job. I count down the hours, the minutes, until I can leave my classroom. Never have I left my job on time before, but I can't imagine spending any extra time away from my love bug. I rush out the door and can't get to daycare quick enough, while in my mind I'm screaming, "Baby! Baby! Baby! Baby! I must have my baby!" And as I sweep her up in my arms, I imagine my Sweet A has been screaming something similar, "Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! I must have my mommy!" Although, after a day of unsatisfying bottles, I'm sure it's more like, "Boobs! Boobs! Boobs! Boobs! I must have my boobs!"